Men Never Listen

In a Chicago hospital, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. A nurse noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said " You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch.

Each button was identified by letters: WW , WA, PP, and a red one labeled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them?

He couldn't resist.. He pushed WW.
Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he thought. Men restrooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button.
Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flower to this unbelievable pleasure..

The ladies restroom was more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he opened his eyes, he was in a hospital bed, and a nurse was staring down at him.

"What happened?" he exclaimed.

The last thing I remember was pushing the ATR button.

"The button ATR is an Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your pillow."

MEN NEVER LISTEN

Things You Can Only Say On Thanksgiving

01. Talk about a huge breast!

02. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

03. It's Cool Whip time!

04. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!

05. That's one terrific spread!

06. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

07. Are you ready for seconds yet?

08. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

09. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

16. You'll know it's ready when it pops up.

17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!

18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

Pick Up Lines

How drunk would a person have to be for these to work?

1) Did you fart, cause you blew me away?

2) Are your parents retarded, 'cause you sure are special?

3) My Love for you is like diarrhea ... I can't hold it in.

4) Do you have a library card, 'cause I'd like to sign you out?

5) Is there a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in them.

6) If you and I were Squirrels, I'd store my nuts in your hole.

7) You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.

8) Man - Fat Penguin ! Woman - WHAT? Man - I just wanted to say something that would break the ice.

9) I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your bed-rock.

10) I can't find my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.

11) Your eyes are as blue as window cleaner.

12) If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.

And.... the best for last!

13) Your face reminds me of a wrench, every time I think of it my nuts tighten up